Klingons for Jesus: Frequently Asked Questions

 

Q. Why don't you follow the Prime Directive and respect other cultures?

A. Our only prime directive is Jesus!

 

Q. As a Klingon I believe Kahless is our savior not some human named Jesus.

A. Kahless is actually Jesus. Jesus appeared to Klingons in Kahless form and as soon as we get enough copied of Klingon holy texts and someone who can read Klingon we'll prove it with out of context quotes and distortions of the original texts.

 

Q. You people aren't really Klingons, you're just Fundamentalist Christians from Texas, aren't you?

A. Our missionaries comprise many different groups. We have Klingons, half-Klingons, people who look like Klingons, people who can be disguised like Klingons and people ugly enough to be mistaken for Klingons and they're all equally Klingons for Jesus.

 

Q. So you're really liars?

A. The only lie is not accepting Jesus. Nothing that convinces anyone to accept Jesus can be considered a lie.

 

Q. Why don't you just leave us alone?

A. Because we love you. And Jesus loves you too.

 

Q. Can't we all just get along?

A. Not until you accept Jesus!

 

Q. If your missionaries annoy us we'll pull their intestines out through their ears!

A. We have plenty more missionaries where those came from and we'll write all about their glorious martyrdom while our upper management vacations safely near Lake Tahoe.